Articles - Ultimate Communicator

Active listening opens the space for others to feel engaged

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

Recently I met a man, who is highly respected and successful in his industry and local community. He has a degree in law and a strong corporate background. His in depth knowledge base and passion was very strong. However, there was something missing in our conversations and after a while, I realized what that important element was that would have had me even more engaged.

One of the most empowering gifts you can give for yourself and others, in any conversation or presentation, is to actively listen on many levels. When we listen with our ears, our eyes and keen perception, our listeners will sense this and will feel fully engaged.

On this occasion, because our conversations were mostly one sided and his attention appeared to be on the next thing he was going to say, I felt disappointed and not heard. If I had felt he was actively listening, I would have heard his valuable information on a much deeper level as he spoke from his heart and shared his message.

When active listening doesn’t happen, the speaker may not be aware that the energy and audience engagement has changed. Active listening allows the speaker to check in with their audience, ask questions and tailor what they are saying to their audience’s needs. I believe we need to have this awareness so that our audience feels genuinely involved. Otherwise, we may sound disconnected and lacking integrity.

How do You feel about the active listening now?

Next time You’re having a conversation or doing a presentation, remember to pause a moment and think about how You’re engaging Your listeners.
As You give others the gifts of what You’re saying, ask Yourself – How can I involve You more and give You a greater sense of feeling valued?

Here’s to actively listening as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

Your Freedom to Self-Expression… a Journey of Self-Discovery

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

As I worked with Judy, my client, this week it was an absolute pleasure to see how she gave herself the wonderful gift of transformation and insight.

Together, we worked on her talk in preparation for a network event she had been asked to speak at. As she stood, I could see she was preparing herself using the Ultimate BRAVE Speaker techniques I had taught her.

Her prepared talk was flawless in structure and content. Her voice was clear with good pitch and variety. Judy was doing so well, however, we both knew, that it needed something more.

As we explored this together, it was one of those Aha moments for her. It was too perfect! Her talk was so well structured and learned, it had lost its playfulness. So intent on getting it right, she had forgotten to feel into her story and allow it and herself to breathe.

Anne Lamott, renowned author and National bestseller, explains how perfectionism will block your inventiveness, playfulness and life force thereby cramping your writing and speaking creations. “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die.

Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground – you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.”

With new revelation, Judy told her story again. This time without her notes and spoke directly from her heart. It struck me, as I listened to her, how much more depth her story had as she shared her message. As she spoke, her eyes watered slightly, her skin tone changed and she glowed. Her words flowed with deep meaning and passion.

Judy told me later that after she had shared her story at the network event, many people hugged her and told her that she had given them the gift of insight, encouragement and courage.

What may be stopping You sharing Your special stories and experiences?
What stories and experience are in Your heart that are begging to be heard?
What is one step You could make right now that would allow You to step into Your heart and share Your story?

“A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault.” John Henry Newman

When is the right time to give and share Your unique piece of magic?

Here’s to Your freedom of expression as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

Choose to Speak Up… or not

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

Have you ever noticed how, at times, the balance in life can be tipped?

Agatha raised herself up to full height and struck with her talons. Pixie had only just arrived. What a welcome!

My heart missed a beat. “Ooh is she going to be ok?” For a split second I thought do I jump in and intervene. No need. Pixie stood her ground and retaliated.

Across the wooden bridge, when you visit our magical acreage, Pinbarren, you’ll meet our Rhode Island Red chooks. Agatha is one of the three old ladies from our original brood, who no longer lay eggs and enjoy their days in the sun scratching the earth for treats.

There’s a clucky group of young girls who are almost ready to start laying. Pixie and her five curious adaptable sisters (the Spice Girls) are our third brood of pullets to enjoy chook paradise.

Chris and I expected there would be some sorting out of hierarchy, however, we were surprised by Agatha’s strong reaction and even more amazed by Pixie’s feisty response.

“Chris, there are three things happening here.” I don’t know why I was whispering.

“THEY’RE ALL FIGHTING!” (Was I yelling?)

* Some of the girls stood their ground and faced their “opponent” full on.

* Others scurried away as fast as they could and wanted nothing to do with it.

* There were those beauties who were totally oblivious and continued to explore the ground for that missed piece of grain or tasty morsel.

I realized what had happened is very similar to the speaking choices we make in our own lives.

Can You relate to any of these?

Are You an Agatha determined to stand up for what You believe in?
Do You scurry away too scared to speak up and share Your message? (even though You know You have a rich bundle of life experiences that may help others)
Are You like Pixie? When You’re faced with uncertainty or adversity do You courageously stand up and speak up? (Even though You’re experiencing extraordinary feelings of discomfort and fear)

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

As we crossed the bridge back to the farm house, we looked back and saw Agatha pecking at some lush green grass. Pixie was chasing a pretty yellow butterfly. It was then that I noticed the Spice Girls in an extremely funny position…(but that’s another story)

Here’s to speaking from Your heart and taking inspired action!

Ultimate Communicator

3 Essential Keys to Speaker Self-acceptance

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“I hope we don’t get stuck. It could be slippery”, muttered Property Consultant, Des, as his 2WD station wagon struggled up the wet grassy slope and slid. It was his third attempt.

Not the best day for property research. It was a grey and overcast. The sky threatened to release its heavy burden.

However, everyday is a good day to help a friend. Carmel was home hunting in Maleny, Sunshine Coast and we were her support team.
“The place has potential ” I thought as I smoothed a rogue crease out of my tailored white linen pants. I shifted my elbow from Des’s dirty window saving my crisp lemon yellow blouse from unwanted marks.

I was looking forward to our meetings with five vendors and a delicious lunch at Monica’s cafe.

The car lurched and broke my daydream. The wheels were spinning. We weren’t going anywhere.

Eager to help, Chris and I hopped out of the car. One on either side at the back of the small 2WD station wagon and pushed. The car took off. Mission accomplished. The tyres spun. A spectacular catherine wheel of mud splattered me in brown sludge.

I was too stunned to speak. Then, the old familiar voice of self-doubt pounded in my head:
* People will think I’m a fool!
* Everyone will notice and they’ll judge me!
* How embarrassing! I can’t go through Maleny looking like this!

Carmel burst out laughing.

“Oh no!” A mud-free Chris cried out, looking concerned.

“I’m so sorry” Des didn’t know where to look.

The voice of self-doubt pounded even louder in my head. I wanted to shrink away and become invisible.

Then, I thought to myself, I have a choice. I could let Carmel down. I could insist on cancelling all our meetings and forego a fabulous lunch.

Or, I could find the fun in this and see it as a great test for self-endurance and self-acceptance.

What would you have done?

Of course, you would’ve stepped up as I did, wouldn’t you?

Of everywhere we went and everyone we met that whole day, only one person appeared to notice. Carried by his Dad, a little boy, neatly dressed in his matching shorts and shirt stared at me with obvious longing to wriggle free and play in the mud.
Chris laughed“I bet he’s thinking – Wow! She’d be a fun friend!”

As with public speaking, we sometimes find ourselves in situations where our self-confidence may feel rocked and self-doubt creeps in.

What do You do in those mud splatter moments?
When You speak, are You concerned what others may be thinking?
What if, in that moment, You truly believed You couldn’t fail? How would that feeling impact Your next speech?

Whether you do personal or professional speaking, it can be a terrifying experience to stand up and speak. You may be afraid you’ll look foolish, forget your words or worse. The truth is, most people are so involved in their own lives that they don’t notice if you stumble over your words or forget. If they do happen to notice, their attention is drawn to it for only a moment before they return to their own thoughts.

Dr Susan Weinschenk on speaking style – “people imitate your emotions and feel your feelings. If you are smiling, they tend to smile…People like to watch and listen to someone who is animated and excited about what they’re talking about. If your topic gets you excited, don’t hold back. Show how you feel. That feeling will be contagious!”

Three essential steps towards your self-acceptance as a speaker.

The three key things that I do if I get myself in situations like this and this is so relevant to public speaking. As you apply them, notice how your speaking skills and self-confidence grow bringing you more calm, certainty and clarity. You’ll reach your audience of one or many with even more positive inspiration, energy, and enthusiasm.

Release Self-judgment – if you could commit to having a no judgment rule, how would your life be different? Remember you did the best you could in the circumstance. This gives you the space to move from fearful to fabulous as you grow and accept yourself.

Deepak Chopra explains…“When the self is divided and in conflict, there is always a hidden aspect of judgment against the self… Self-judgment is the voice inside that says: “You can’t handle it. Remember the last time you fell apart? This time will be the same.”

Make a choice – in every moment you have a choice. You can choose to move towards your highest intention or purpose. Or choose to move away from it. With the story above, my highest purpose for being there was to uphold my promise to Carmel and help her. I chose Carmel and my purpose for being there above being splattered with mud and feeling uncomfortable. Once I had made that choice, the muddy clothes didn’t matter.
Managing Your Self-confidence barometer – by becoming totally present you can create a state of mind that is completely in each moment. It takes practice to free yourself of distracting thoughts. However, when you’re focused and achieving your speaker goals you create resourceful emotions, such as, joy and feelings of accomplishment. Being present is being in the knowledge that you’re on track and moving toward your desired outcomes and dreams as an authentic speaker. Your successes positively impact your self-confidence barometer. The opposite is also true.

If you love these points, I have five other essential steps that I’m happy to share with you.

If learning more about self-acceptance is important to you, a great book to get hold of is Nadine Love’s, Hot Confidence.

Here’s to Your self-acceptance journey as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

Keeping empowered gratitude close to your heart

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is “thank you”, that would suffice” Meister Eckhart

Recently, I was reminded of a life changing situation that Chris, my husband, and I had been faced with nine years ago.

Pam, our Warm Up Master at Toastmasters, asked us to “share a time in your lives where a setback or “bad” thing has taken place. Then, once the situation had happened, you realized this setback was in fact a blessing and you saw the silver lining.”

The response from our group was incredibly moving as each of us shared a little of our own lives. A fine silver thread of gratitude silently wove and connected us as we each shared our story. Deep gratitude for having experienced, survived and grown on many levels – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Can you relate to this?

April 2004, Chris discovered he had a high-grade aggressive form of Non-Hodgkinson lymphoma in his abdomen. Our entire life felt like it had been turned upside down. His radical treatment took place in the Wesley Hospital in Brisbane over an intensive 6-month period.

Even though his experience was frightening and undeniably life threatening, he continued to focus on his silver lining throughout his experience. He made every day count in a positive way. He planned his outstanding future. He took himself for strolls, IV unit in tow. Together we celebrated birthdays, special occasions and life itself. Laughter and lively conversation filled each day.

On one occasion, Chris’s room was full of colourful helium balloons. We decided to take them to the children’s ward. What a delight to see their faces light up!

On the sixth month, Chris had his last intensive session of chemotherapy. With his strong resilience and positive attitude, he recovered and came home. At the time, we had a wholesale plant business. Every doctor, nurse and administrative person, who had been part of Chris’s recovery over the previous six months, received a magnificent blossoming red Anthurium plant.

Recently, Chris went to see John, his Oncologist, for a check up. As Chris entered his office, Kathryn, John’s secretary, looked up. With a beaming smile, she proudly said “I still have my Anthurium, you know”

You can let events in your life rule you. Or you can choose to speak from your heart and empower yourself and others with gratitude.

What thoughts, memories or stories does this evoke within you?

Your gratitude gives you positive inspiration for change and takes you from fearful to fabulous in a second.

“Gratitude is heaven itself” William Blake

Here’s to Your empowerment as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

Fantasize, Breathe, Speak from Your Heart

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“Screeech!!!!!” The shrill tormenting sound sent a shock wave through me. My heart pounded. The heart wrenching noise had come from the chook house.

“Was that one of our Spice Girls?“

Feet found their way into the closest pair of shoes. I raced across the creek in time to hear another ear-piercing shriek. A Spice Girl for sure. Hurt by whatever was in the chook house.

The sounds had come from the overgrown end of the enclosure. Chook heaven for scratching the earth. Also the ideal place for predators to lie in wait.
Grabbing the biggest rocks I could find, I heaved them at the long grass, still unable to see what was attacking our Girl.
This gave her the opportunity to make a dash away from the gnashing teeth and claws of the biggest goanna I’d ever laid eyes on. Our chooks were nowhere to be seen.

With the goanna gone, the Spice Girls cautiously came out of their hiding places. Nervous and on full alert.

After applying first aid to Posh’s leg, she limped slowly back to join her friends for breakfast. Her appetite, at least, was unaffected as she tucked into the radish leaves, vege scraps and mince.

As I watched her, I thought how brave she had been. Even though she had been very frightened, she hadn’t given up. She wasn’t going to give up without a fight.

Have you ever been faced with a fight or flight situation?

What did you do? Flee or stand your ground?

The fight or flight response refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically.

American physiologist, Walter Cannon, realized that a chain of rapidly occurring reactions inside the body help mobilize the body’s resources to deal with threatening circumstances.
The flight or fight response can also occur when there is a perceived threat, such as, standing up to speak in public. The physiological and psychological effects can include a dry mouth, shortness of breath, pounding heart, trembling knees, feeling sick, stomach churning and forgetting your words.

Can you relate to any of those?

These responses are essentially involuntary with the exception of breathing. How you choose to breathe increases how relaxed you feel and helps you overcome your fear of public speaking so that you can speak from your heart and share your message.

Dr Milton Wood, a professional trainer and award winning public speaker, uses the following breathing technique.
1. Create a fantasy image in your mind of the most relaxing and enjoyable situation you can imagine.
2. Place your hands on your chest so that you can monitor your breathing
3. Slowly exhale. Breathe out all your anxiety
4. Slowly inhale the calm air surrounding you. Think to yourself “calm, relaxed, secure”
5. Hold your breath for two seconds as you visualize your fantasy image
6. Repeat this cycle at least three times. It‘s important to repeat the exercise so that you can feel the relaxing benefits
7. With regular practice, this technique becomes easy and effortless

Perhaps you’d like to try this technique the next time you’re public speaking so that your ability to communicate feels more natural and authentic.

“The breath must be enticed or cajoled, like catching a horse in a field, not by chasing after it, but by standing still with an apple in one’s hand” B.K.S. Iyengar

Here’s to breathing in the moment as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

7 Easy Steps to creating Your Positive Public Performances

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“You’ll only be speaking for thirty minutes. You know the pharmaceutical industry inside out. And you’ll be representing the company and explaining the latest research findings. It’s a huge honour. You’ll be great, Karen”, said, Michelle, her boss of ten years.

Karen didn’t want to let Michelle or the company down. She really liked her boss, however, the thought of speaking to over three hundred well-educated knowledgeable specialists filled her with dread.

It was the final straw for Karen when her boss asked her to do a presentation on behalf of their company.

“It’s time to do something about my public speaking fears. I’m tired of missing opportunities because I’m shaking in my shoes at the thought of speaking to groups”, she said to herself with new-found determination.

Knowing that you need to speak publicly can be one of the most nerve wrenching experiences you can have. Whether you’re doing your first presentation or speaking professionally, a level of fear is almost always present.

Steve Siegold, the Mental Toughness Coach, explains that when we put ourselves under too much stress our performance goes down. He calls it a “performance break down”. He explains that when we get stressed our IQ also drops! However, when someone doesn’t perceive something as a threat it is because they have learned how to manage their emotions.

When we get stressed a section of the brain, called the Amygdala, triggers an emotional response to the thing with which we feel threatened. A flight or fight reaction occurs and the impact of this on our bodies can be a dry mouth, pounding heart, trembling and many other uncomfortable feelings.

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” George Jessel (1898-1981, American actor, known in his lifetime as “Toastmaster General of the United States”)

Does this or something similar happen when you know you need to speak in public?

Ultimate Speaker Steps

You may be curious to know how you can manage your emotions so that you can move from fearful to fabulous wherever or in whatever speaking situation you find yourself.

Here’s your 7 Step System in order to create your positive experience for your next speaking opportunity:

Ultimate Communicator

Essential Transformational Journey to Self-belief

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

Researching butterflies on Google this week, I came across an excerpt from the story “Hope for the Flowers” by Trina Paulus.

It’s about a caterpillar called Yellow.

The story’s message started me thinking about the choices we make in order to become an Ultimate Speaker.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained; “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection, she pensively asked. “How does one become a butterfly?”

“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar”

What insights came to you as you read this?

For my client, Kathy, butterflies are fascinating and represent a symbol of change and joy. Kathy is a Copy Writer and Professional speaker. Whenever she needs a break or some positive inspiration, she goes out into her garden and looks for butterflies. Within minutes, she’s motivated and she gets back into her work again!

It wasn’t always this way prior to Kathy coming for speaker training. Like Yellow, she felt challenged seeing past the “fuzzy worm”! She needed proof and to feel a sense of possibility that there was a beautiful transformational butterfly inside before she would believe it.

Are You afraid of giving up being the caterpillar?
Is this keeping You stuck from taking the step on Your speaking journey?
How would You feel if your insides leapt, as Yellow’s did, each time You speak from Your heart and share Your message? What resources do You need to make this happen?

Further research took me to a remarkable blog describing the Transparent Butterfly.

Native to Central America. It’s difficult to see, at first, because of it’s transparent wings. The tissue between the veins of it’s wings looks like the panes of a little glass window. Hence, the popular name, Glasswing.

They prefer to hide in tropical rainforest areas away from predators. The Glasswing’s transparency provides an excellent camouflage and they blend so well making them difficult to see.

As with speaking, we can choose to keep ourselves invisible within the depths of the rainforest. Or we can choose to spread our wings, shine our light and become the magnificent butterfly that we already are.

Which do you relate to?

Butterflies have been seen, for thousands of years, as a symbol for transformation.

The Macquarie Dictionary says transformation is “the act of transforming. The state of being transformed. Change in appearance, nature or character”

You possibly feel, deep in your heart, that you have a message to share even if you don’t know what that is yet. It’s time to look through the panes of your glass wings and notice the positive inspiration you can bring to the world as speak from your heart.

When you believe this, your transformation into the butterfly begins.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give” Kahlil Gibran

Here’s to speaking from Your heart and sharing Your message as You become a beautiful butterfly!

Ultimate Communicator

Conscious choices taking you from debilitating belief to positive self-belief

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“One of the most important things that I have learned in my 57 years is that life is all about choices. On every journey you take, you face choices. At every fork in the road, you make a choice. And it is those decisions that shape our lives”– Mike DeWine

Have you ever been at a turning point in your life where you decided enough is enough?
Do you ever feel afraid to share what is in your heart for fear of being judged or ridiculed?
Have you ever wondered how to speak from your heart and get your message out into the world?

Can you relate to any of these? If so, you’ll relate to my journey from debilitating belief to positive self-belief.

There was a time when I was at a turning point in my life. I knew I was meant to do something more. However, because I was carrying some deep emotional pain, it was holding me back from being the best that I could.

Growing up in a family environment that didn’t encourage speaking up and voicing any opinion meant that I learned, from an early age, to stay quiet. Saying nothing meant I felt safe from looking foolish and being judged. Avoiding saying the “wrong thing” was top on my list!
Even though this served me on one level, I felt shut down on many levels.

Have you ever felt shut down?
Has your ability to communicate ever been discouraged?

Concerns about what others may be thinking were very real fears. Golden opportunities were missed. Feeling free to be myself was virtually non-existent. One amazing missed opportunity came in the form of living in Japan for one year teaching English to students. Even though I didn’t have a teaching background, the organization trusted in my ability. Unfortunately, I didn’t share the same insight.

“Something has to change – right now! I’m sick and tired of feeling this way” I remember chastising myself.

Dedication and action became my focus to overcome these fears and gradually I moved forward.

However, in order to reach the next level, I needed someone to help me. This was when I met my coach.

Initially, before getting help, I said to myself:
* I can’t do that and I’m not worth it
* I can’t spend this money on myself
* It’s going to take up too much time

For a moment, because it was easier, I actually believed it was ok to stay where I was.

Then, my husband, Chris, wisely asked me; “If you don’t do anything now, how will things be different next year? How will you be feeling five years from now? ”

A moment of insight and self-realization flashed before my eyes; “There is no better investment than in myself. If I want to make a difference in this world, it starts with my own personal transformation! If I do nothing, my speaking fears and tensions could still be there ten years from now!”

My coach saw my potential. She believed in me. She’d walked a similar road and with her skill, it made it so much easier and quicker to move forward.

As my coach helped me find my voice, she guided me on how to become clear on my niche and message.
The difference was, she cared and held the vision for me on all levels – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Even in the times when I’d lost my focus.

Have you ever had someone walk beside you, at that dedicated level?
We all need someone like that in our lives, don’t you think?

My greatest insight was, just because you’ve made certain decisions in your past, this doesn’t mean you need to base your future decisions on your past experiences. Your past doesn’t define your future unless you choose it to.

“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” – Mark Victor Hansen

I’m so grateful that I had the realization when I did. I found my voice and discovered my purpose! This has meant I can help others overcome their fears of speaking so that they can speak from their heart and share their message.

Here’s to speaking from Your heart and discovering choice as You share Your message!

Ultimate Communicator

Five Keys to Accessing Self-acceptance

Mar 30, 2021 0 Comment

“When the self is divided and in conflict, there is always a hidden aspect of judgment against the self… Self-judgment is the voice inside that says:
“You can’t handle it. Remember the last time you fell apart? This time will be the same.” – Deepak Chopra

Do you remember the first time you learned to drive a car?
Did you feel nervous, shaky or maybe thought “I can’t do this”?
Have you ever felt that excited feeling when you actually discovered you could do it?

Gillian’s confident beaming face radiated from the page of my favourite red leather photo album. So much had changed for her. I was privileged to be part of her journey to self-acceptance.

Recollections of her tragic story flooded back. I appreciated her courage, motivation and determination once again. Gillian and her twin sister, Katie, were excited. They were going to their best friend’s birthday party. They sat in the back seat of the family’s sturdy blue Volvo. Giggling and whispering as they admired their matching pink shoes and pretty pink lace dresses.

SCREECH! Crumpling torn metal, Katie’s high-pitched screams and the smell of burning rubber filled Gillian’s world. That was the day Gillian lost her beloved twin sister.
Gillian carried the weight of her guilt of being the one left behind like a relentlessly filling rucksack of rocks. Twenty years on her self-perception was at an all time low.

Then the letter came. Her hands trembled as she reread it and triple checked it really was addressed to her.

“This is an amazing opportunity of a lifetime. It’s a dream come true.”

Gillian read the small print. “Oh no! I have to learn to drive.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I made a pact with myself: “I will never drive a car and risk causing someone to feel this constant pain of having lost a loved one”.”

Decision time! “If I want this chance, I’ll have to overcome my driving fears!”

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to choose?
Have you ever had to decide between staying where you were or facing your fears knowing it could lead to something better?

This was Gillian’s dilemma.

As I pulled up beside Gillian, I noticed her worried frown as she shifted her weight restlessly from one foot to the other.
“I’m not sure I can do this!”, she nervously exclaimed
“Gillian, I want to acknowledge you for your willingness to get behind the wheel. ” I assured her.
Gillian whispered quietly, “Thank you for showing me how and believing I can do it”

With the driving basics explained, the time had arrived to drive. Gillian gripped the steering wheel so hard that the whites of her knuckles protruded.
My white Ford Laser hatchback gently nudged forward. Frozen terror tightened her face.

“Oh no! Am I doing that! What if I crash”, she cried

“You’re doing great. Focus on steering”

Gillian’s body noticeably relaxed as she realized she wasn’t doing it alone. Even more than that, she could rely on the experience of her instructor.
Within three weeks, she learned how to change gears smoothly. She felt calmer driving in traffic and mastered the more complex skills of parallel parking and hill starts. My client went from doubting herself to trusting her own intuition and her ability to make good decisions.

“I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I can drive! I feel great about what I’ve achieved. I feel light. For the first time, since Katie died, I know it’s ok to be me.”, she squealed with delight!

Gillian had discovered five essential keys to her self-acceptance and ultimately her success.

Appreciate Yourself: Even though You may feel emotional pain, realize You’re doing the best You can. Give Yourself this relaxed space so that You can appreciate who You are and who You can become
Assume a Decisive Attitude: Despite the fact, You may feel terrified, make a decision to positively embrace Your fears and uncertainty
Active Willingness: Approach the “hill starts and parallel parking” complexities of Your life with an attitude of openness and fun. Your life experiences will become easier and more enjoyable as Your self-awareness grows
Assign a Guide: With Your hands firmly on the steering wheel, engage someone with the professional skills, to guide and walk beside You. It’s reassuring to know someone is helping You light Your way and has Your best interests at heart
Access Your Awareness: You’re in the driver’s seat. Trust that Your actions will create Your positive results. As You do this, remember to take care of Yourself by being aware of Your thoughts, Your self-talk and do activities that give You joy

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment” – Lao-Tzu

Here’s to steering your life as You speak from Your heart and share Your message!

With special thanks to Nadine Love for her insights about self-acceptance in her book Hot Confidence. www.hotconfidence.com